Overview
Turn relationship conflicts from destructive battles into opportunities for deeper understanding and connection. This structured worksheet guides couples through a proven conflict resolution process that acknowledges different neurological processing styles while focusing on collaborative problem-solving.
Instead of rehashing who’s right or wrong, this tool helps you understand underlying needs, find workable compromises, and prevent similar conflicts from recurring.
What You’ll Get
- Step-by-Step Process: Clear framework that works for different neurotype combinations
- Individual Reflection Sections: Space for each partner to process their perspective privately first
- Collaborative Problem-Solving: Structured approach to finding solutions together
- Follow-Up Planning: System for tracking agreed-upon changes and preventing recurrence
Who This Helps
Ideal For:
- Couples who fight about the same issues repeatedly
- Partners who shut down or escalate during disagreements
- Those who struggle to find compromise or resolution
- Relationships where one person feels unheard or misunderstood
Conditions:
- Critical for ADHD couples who benefit from external structure during emotional conversations
- Essential for autistic partners who need processing time and clear frameworks
- Valuable for anxious partners who catastrophize during conflict
- Helpful for OCD couples who get stuck in perfectionist thinking about solutions
How to Use This Tool
Step 1: Cool-Down Period (Variable)
- Use this worksheet after emotions have settled, not during active conflict
- Each partner should feel calm enough to think clearly
- Allow processing time—this might be 20 minutes for some, 2 hours for others
Step 2: Individual Reflection (10-15 minutes each)
- Each partner completes their section of the worksheet separately
- Focus on your own feelings, needs, and desired outcomes
- No discussion during this phase—just individual processing
Step 3: Sharing and Listening (10-15 minutes)
- Take turns sharing what you wrote without interruption
- Listen to understand, not to argue or defend
- Ask clarifying questions only, no rebuttals yet
Step 4: Problem-Solving Together (15-20 minutes)
- Identify the underlying needs behind each position
- Brainstorm multiple possible solutions without evaluating them yet
- Select solutions that address both partners’ core needs
- Create specific, actionable agreements
Tips for Success
- Timing Matters: Don’t use this during active conflict—wait for emotions to settle
- Both Participate: This only works if both partners engage honestly and openly
- Focus Forward: Spend more time on solutions than rehashing what went wrong
- Follow Through: Schedule check-ins to see how your agreements are working
When to Use
After Recurring Arguments:
- When you keep fighting about the same core issues
- When quick apologies don’t prevent the same conflicts from happening again
- When you both want things to change but can’t figure out how
For Major Disagreements:
- When you have fundamentally different perspectives on important issues
- Before making decisions that affect both partners significantly
- When compromise seems impossible but the relationship is worth fighting for
Relationship Maintenance:
- As a quarterly relationship tune-up to address smaller issues before they grow
- When external stressors are creating more tension between you
- To build your conflict resolution skills during calm periods
Worksheet Sections Preview
Individual Reflection Phase:
- What happened? (Facts only, no interpretation)
- How did I feel? (Emotions without blame)
- What did I need that I didn’t get? (Underlying needs)
- What outcome would work for me? (Desired resolution)
Shared Exploration Phase:
- Where do our perspectives differ?
- What needs do we both have?
- What are we both willing to change?
Solution Building Phase:
- Possible solutions brainstorm
- Selected approach with specific actions
- Timeline and check-in plan
- Prevention strategies for next time
Sample Scenario
The Issue: One partner feels overwhelmed by social commitments while the other feels socially isolated.
Using the Worksheet:
- Individual reflection reveals one partner needs downtime to recharge (autism) while the other needs social connection to feel energized (ADHD)
- Shared exploration identifies the core need: both want to feel their social needs are respected
- Solution building creates a plan: alternate months where one partner chooses social frequency, with built-in recovery time for both
Related Tools
- Communication Scripts for Difficult Conversations
- Weekly Relationship Check-In Template
- Emotional Regulation Toolkit
Get More Support
Nemlys offers guided conflict resolution sessions and personalized worksheets that address your specific recurring conflicts and communication patterns.
Ready to download? Click the download button above to get your Conflict Resolution Worksheet and transform disagreements into opportunities for growth.